Babies....Babies....Babies....

Babies, babies and more babies....they are ALL I seem to be able to think about at the minute. I want a baby, there it's out there, I have uttered those immortal words...that said, it's not really a secret and it should come as no great surprise to those who know me that I want a baby. I will admit, I'm greedy, I actually want more than 1, two would be nice but 3 would be even better.

I want to experience those 9 months of the ever expanding belly and know for a change that its expanding NOT because I've been on a chocolate binge but instead because there is a life growing inside me...I want to have a baby belly.

I want a rugrat, a perfect little person that hubby and I have created.

Most would think that having a baby would be easy and for some couples it is, they only have to think about sex and bam (!!) they're pregnant. But for other's, well we are not so fortunate. And so begins the crusade to have a baby, we are on the baby trail......lets hope we encounter lots of babydust along the way.....

Sorry....Is the Hardest Word to Say....

NOT in this case its not....it's the easiest word to say!

My post a couple of days ago about friendships came across wrong and one person in particular got it wrong.....she thought it was about her and it SOOOOOOOO COMPLETELY UTTERLY IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER WAS......



I just wanted to write here how much I love her and can depend on her all the time, no matter what the time, she is my 3am gal who will pick up should I ring her at that time...it helps she's already at work by that time so awake lol but even if she wasn't I know she'd be there for me....

You know who you are....and so you should know how very very very much you mean to me hon xxx

Websites

So I have a few websites that I visit like my life depended on it and a few I browse through every few weeks, and then there are the ones that are there should I need a question answered or a solution sought....

http://www.sonof.net/hobartcichlids/forum/portal.php
- Hobart Cichlid Society
www.smh.com.au -The Sydney Morning Herald
www.imdb.com -Internet Movie Database - anything you want to know about
movies, television etc click here!
www.literotica.com - Kind of self explanatory I would have thought!

Good In Bed

Everyone has a favourite book or maybe 5 or 10!! A book that evoked particular memories, a book that touched you like nothing else has, a book that once you had finished reading it, you thought "Oh wow that book could have been written about me". If I had to be stranded on a desert island and could only take 2 things with me, one would be an endless supply of music, the other would be books. If I could take 3 things, the other would be my husband (to keep me amused when I was between books lol).

Books have the ability to take you away, when you crack open a book and break it's spine for the first time, it transports you away from 'real life', it could take you back in time, forward in time or maybe just down the road but it's the way it takes you there. You find yourself immersed in it's storyline, feeling and caring for characters or plotting their downfall even. A good author will take you into his/her world and make you totally forget all about yours.

I have too many favourite books to list but there are a few that shine above the rest, one of them is a book called Good In Bed by Jennifer Weiner. It IS a chicklit book but a good one. The general plot goes like this, the plus-sized charcter lead Cannie, is happy writing about other people's lives in her local newspaper, she has a nice flat, a great dog and an ok life, she even felt okay about ending her relationship with her boyfriend Bruce.....until Bruce starts writing about their relationship in a national woman's magazine.

It is Bruce's articles throughout the book that fascinate me the most because they show and say what I believe every man thinks when they "love a larger woman".

Here I have typed the first "article" (I have chopped bits out of the articles to get to the point) that appears in Jennifer Weiner's Good In Bed:

"Loving A Larger Woman
by Bruce Guberman

I'll never forget the day I found out my girlfriend weighed more than I did.
She was out on a bike ride, and I was home watching football, leafing through the magazines on her coffee table, when I found her Weight Watchers folder. There was her name. Her identification number. And her weight, which I am too much of a gentleman to reveal here. Suffice to say that the number shocked me.

I knew that C. was a big girl. Certainly bigger than any of the women I'd seen on TV, bouncing in bathing suits or drifting, reed like, through sitcoms and medical drams. Definitely bigger than any of the women I'd ever dated before.

I never thought of myself as a chubby chaser. But when I met C. I fell for her wit, her laugh, her sparkling eyes. Her body, I decided, was something I could learn to live with.

Her shoulders were as broad as mine, her hands were almost as big, and from her breasts to her belly, from her hips down the slope of her thighs, she was all sweet curves and warm welcome. Holding her felt like a safe haven. It felt like coming home.

But being out with her didn't feel nearly as comfortable. Maybe it was the way I'd absorbed society's expectations, its dictates of what men are supposed to want and how women are supposed to appear. More likely, it was the way she had. C. was a dedicate foot soldier in the body wars. At five foot ten inches, with a linebacker's build and a weight that would have put her right at home on a pro football team's roster, C. couldn't make herself invisible.

But I know that if it were possible, if all the slouching and slumping and shapeless black jumpers could have erased her from the physical world, she would have gone in an instant. She took no pleasure from the very things I loved, from her size, her amplitude, her luscious, zaftig heft.

As many times as I told her she was beautiful, I know that she never believed me. As many time as I said it didn't matter, I knew that to her it did. I was just one voice, and the world's voice was louder. I could feel her shame like a palpable thing, walking beside us on the street, crouched down between us in a movie theatre, coiled up and waiting for someone to say what to her was the dirtiest word in the world: fat.

And I knew it wasn't paranoia. You hear, over and over, how fat is the last acceptable prejudice, that fat people are the only safe targets in our politically correct world. Date a queen-sized woman and you'll find out how true it is. You'll see the way people look at her, and look at you for being with her. You'll try to buy her lingerie for Valentines Day and realise the sizes stop before she starts. Every time you go out to eat you'll watch her agonise, balancing what she wants against what she'll let herself have, what she'll let herself have against what she'll be seen eating in public.

And what she'll let herself say.

I remember when the Monica Lewinksy story broke and C., a newspaper reporter, wrote a passionate defense of the White House intern who'd been betrayed by Linda Tripp in Washington, and betrayed even worse by her friends in Beverly Hills, who were busily selling their high school memories of Monica to Inside Editions and People Magazine. After her article was printed, C. got lots of hate male, including one letter from a guy who began: "I can tell by what you wrote that you are overweight and that nobody loves you." And it was that letter - that word- that bothered her more than anything else anyone said. It seemed that if it were true - the "overweight" part- then the "nobody loves you" part would have to be true as well. As if being Lewinky-esque was worse than being a betrayer, or even someone who was dumb. As if being fat were somehow a crime.

Loving a larger woman in an act of courage in this world, and maybe it's even an act of futility. Because, in loving C., I knew I was loving someone who didn't believe that she herself was worthy of anyone's love.

And now that it's over, I don't know where to direct my anger and my sorrow. At a world that made her feel the way she did about her body - no, herself - and whether was desirable. At C., for not being strong enough to overcome what the world told her. Or at myself, for not loving C. enough to make her believe in herself."

Information Gathering

So today is the day, the day something gets done, I'm looking up things and trawling the net as we speak, Googling my little heart out and stretching my brain to fit as much into it as I can. I will come away armed to the teeth with knowledge and best ways to do things.....

....I will fill you all in later this afternoon as to what knowledge this is that I'm aquiring!

Friends And The City

I didn't envy their wardrobes, nor their choice in men and at times I thought each of them needed a swift kick up the arse. At times they were rude, ignorant and just plain not nice....and yet the one thing I always envied them...was their friendship.

To have friends like that, that you can always depend on, always rely on, know that no matter what they are there for you....Lovers, boyfriends and sometimes even husbands can fall by the wayside but friends will always and indefinitely be there for you, or so the theory stands.

So it got me thinking, does everyone have friendships like these four shared? Does everyone have a select group of people that they can relate to, rely on and call up at 3am when nothing makes sense?

When did friendship become a 70/30 or even worse 80/20 or 90/10 two way street? I thought friendship was always 50/50, you get what you put into it, you don't make any deposits then you can't make any withdrawals, thats how it works. Too often do we find ourselves going to take withdrawals out when we know we're so far in credit with deposits that it's not funny, only to find the account empty and usually in negative numbers.

Friendships are one of the few things that every person should have and hold dear to their heart, they should cherish them and not be so quick to throw them away. Friendships do not survive on mere breadcrumbs you occasionally throw at them, they require time, effort and work and yet so few these days are rarely willing to do that.

Friendships should outlast circumstances, sure people and their circumstances change but deep down we all remain our true selves. The people who we were when the friendship began is always there, even though you may not recognise her/him anymore. People grow up, move, get married and have babies but the sign of a true friendship is to transcend beyond all that bullshit, true friendship doesn't let "circumstances" and external factors interfere in something so special, they let those external factors work around the friendship not through it. A friendship can only survive on the odd capful of water so often before it eventually gets too dehydrated and ceases to exist and only when it does that will you realise just what you have let die.....

Why do people feel the need to get married? What does standing in front of each other, in front of family, friends and other assorted loved ones actually accomplish? Do we actually love each other more after taking those vows? We were more likely to stray, be unhappy at some point or breakup before those sacred vows were spoken to each other? Doesn't marriage actually put more of a strain on our relationships? Don't we feel more of a need to live up to people's expectations once there is actually a commitment that has taken place? People expect us to give marriage a chance, a real chance, if you have problems you work through them, you work extra hard to make 'it' work, which can put more of a strain on the relationship. Before you got married, if you were having problems and it got too much walking away would be alot easier. No marriage is a bed of roses and nor should it be, you have to work at relationships, it is very much a two way street and there has to be give and take on both sides. The only thing that matters is that you're falling asleep in the arms of the one that fills your world with joy, makes you laugh every day, would do anything for you and that you would be utterly totally and completely lost without. At the end of the day, marriage is, in reality, just a piece of paper, signed by both parties, a contract. Yes it is a commitment, but I don't believe that you need to stand up in front of a bunch of people to achieve that commitment. The commitment after all, is between yourself and your beloved....no one else.

Just Being

Have you ever really looked into yourself? I mean truly into who you are? Have you ever felt lost, like you didn't know who you were anymore? I lost the true me a long time ago and I've been fighting to get her back for awhile now. I just feel like this *FAT* being that is just existing at the moment, no feelings, no desire, nothing.....

.....hopefully it will pass......

Mens Frustration's With Us Women Folk

Men's Complaints about Women

1. Women complain, criticize and nag too much.

2. They try to control and suppress men.

3. They are seldom happy.

4. They tend to withhold sex as a punishment or blackmail.

5. They do not think logically, but emotionally.

6. Their emotions are not predictable but change quickly especially due to hormones, during menstruation, pregnancy or menopause.

7. They tend to gossip.

8. They, too, create extramarital relationships.

9. They are not home enough (which for some men means - continuously)

10. They are not taking enough care of the home.

What Women Can Do to Help Their Relationship Partner's Feel Happier

Women can learn to:

1. Express their needs directly without complaining or nagging.

2. Trust their partner and allow him to function freely.

3. Focus on how grateful they are to have what they have.

4. Analyze situations from an even more logical point of view, especially when they suspect hormones are affecting them. (Or avoid reacting at those times.)

5. Avoid gossiping.

6. Be monogamous.

7. Find a balance between taking care of the home and asking the others for help.

8. Feel equal - neither superior nor inferior to men.

9. Understand that men have difficulty with communicating feelings and not take this personally.

10. Realize that their partner loves them even when he cannot be affectionate or tender.

11. Guide the man with their preferences in their sexual contact.

12. Radiate feelings of equality and self-confidence without competitiveness.

We need to transcend our differences and creating loving relationships.

D Day - Day #7

Ok so here we are.....on day #7 of Project D Day. We walked Tue/Wed/Thur of last week. We didn't walk Friday but that's cause it was our only day off together and we just relaxed. We did however walk Saturday and Sunday and then again this morning.

On Thursday of last week, we were blessed with a very calm sea at the beach we walk at. It is kind of in a bay, so when it's calm its very calm, almost like glass. So here we are walking along the beach when out of the corner of my eye I spot something - a fin. I turn to the other half and say "I just saw something out there." He turns and looks, can't see anything and concludes that I must have been seeing things. The I see it again...this time alot clearer...a dolphin, and not one but 4 of them! They were probably about 10 metres offshore, in the shallows and definitely playing. We watched them the whole walk up the beach and back and at one point witnessed them swimming in a circle, obviously herding fish together for breaky!

Saturday our walk was dolphin free, it was windy and the sea was very choppy, so rather than enjoy our walk viewing dolphin antics, we instead had to concentrate staying on our feet for fear of being blown over!

Sunday we were blessed with our dolphin friends again. They didn't make themselves known from the start but about 5 minutes into our walk, there they were, further out this time but after about 5 minutes they came closer to shore, between 7 - 9 metres away from us. They were in another playful mood. On our walk back, we were watching out for them again and yep there they were, frolicking in the shallows. As we were watching them, for the briefest of moments something distracted my attention and wouldn't you know it.....one of them leaped clear out of the water and jumped over a buoy, hubby said the dolphins body was completely out of the water and I missed it!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning, no dolphin shenanigans but something else did happen, something that at the time hurt like hell but no doubt I will look back on and remember fondly. So we hit the beach this morning and walk to the water line where we always walk. We are just walking along and we come across what looks to be the remnants of weekend sand castle making but it was oddly shaped, it was in the shape of a "block" and had what looked like large steps going up to the top of it about 3 or 4. Anyways we were looking at this as we were walking past it and remarking on weird it looked and the next thing I know, my foot has literally fallen into a hole, the sand beneath my foot has given way and I am now knee deep and lobsided on the sand, my right foot covered in sand and water, along with the bottom half of my pants. It looks like it was a little pocket hole that for some reason when the tide had come in, it hadn't completely filled with sand like would normally happen, instead it had decided to ambush me this morning!!! The worst of it all, was that rather than getting up out of this hole straight away, I just kind of stayed there and raised my hands to my hubby with a pitiful look on my face like a kid! Lol

Now I already have a rooted (read stuffed for all those none Aussies out there) back at the moment and this just made it worse but as I fell because it was obviously a shock to be falling through sand I also landed weirdly on my knee and jarred it. My knee is now fine, my back is hurting just as bad as it has been recently and my other half is still chuckling about the whole thing and I will no doubt be hearing about this for some time to come.