Ask Sam from SMH

It was Zsa Zsa Gabor who once said: "A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished." And it seems that many modern men are echoing her sentiment.

"Why marry?" they protest. After all, these days they can get all the benefits of being hitched (joint bank accounts, home grants, insurance, sex and kids) without actually tying the knot.

But it's not only the gents who are forgoing marriage in favour of all the benefits without the commitment. The other day, while sipping my coffee, I overheard a conversation that had me a little mystified. A woman (in her mid-20s) was telling a friend that, although she loved her boyfriend, she had no intention of ever getting married.

"I don't ever want to be tied down like that," she said. "Plus I've seen first-hand what a bad marriage can do to someone through my parents, and I definitely don't want my life to end up that way."

"And what if he proposed?" the friend asked incredulously, to which she responded, "I don't know. I just don't think he will."

These days, with the institution of marriage on the rocks and the words "till death do us part" being more flimsy than Paris Hilton's bathing suit, it comes as no surprise that the latest numbers show an increase in the no-marriage trend ...

According to recent figures from the Australian Bureau of Statistics, 31 per cent of men and 26 per cent of women will never marry, while The New York Times reported that a whopping 51 per cent of women are now living without a spouse, compared to 35 per cent in 1950.

Demographer William H. Frey said: "For better or worse, women are less dependent on men or the institution of marriage."

"Amen to that!" concur the single, independent femmes who buy their own diamonds, pay their own bills and don't need a ring or a man to make them happy. Why suffer? Instead, modern women would rather be single than suffer in an unhappy marriage, despite the fact that society (and pushy mothers) still expect a ring on the finger by the time they reach a certain age.

Yet the sobering expectation that one-third of marriages could end in divorce now, compared with 28 per cent in the mid-'80s, shows there's plenty of reasons to shy away from signing that marriage certificate.

Recently divorced reader Peter (who was left with nothing and had to move back in with his folks), reckons that, while the institution of marriage is not yet dead, the need for it is.

He writes: "With equal wages for the women, and automated easy care homes for the men, neither gender NEEDS to get married as they did 50 years ago ... Some women still talk about getting married but men generally talk about getting laid. And, surprise, surprise, many modern women talk about casual affairs these days too."

Stephanie Coontz, author of Marriage, A History, concurs, yet says that the marriage backlash started back in the '60s with the invention of the Pill, domestic devices and more women going to work. The bachelors found they no longer needed a wife for domestic purposes, women found they could have sex without attachment and marriage no longer defined adult life.

Yet over on the other side of the sexual fence, it seems the battle to legalise same-sex marriage continues.

Evan Wolfson, gay rights activist and author of Why Marriage Matters, argues this: "Gay people have the same mix of reasons for wanting the freedom to marry and needing the protections and responsibilities of marriage as non-gay people do." And therefore governments should not prevent such unions.

It seems odd to me that, while some are so passionately fighting for it, others are fighting against it. But perhaps Hollywood hunk Brad Pitt had it right when he said: "Angie [Angelina Jolie] and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able."

Perhaps since he's already been married once, Pitt has taken on board the wise words of Oscar Wilde who said: "Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience."

Ask Sam from SMH

This week's video is in response to reader G-Gal's question:

"Dear Ask Sam,

"I have been going out with my bf for almost a year, we are a lovely affectionate couple and are constantly cuddling, kissing, playing etc..

"The problem is our sex life has kind of dwindled in the last 6 months through a combination of travel, illness, stress. We spend 24/7 together and though we have not officially moved in together, we are together all the time.

"The sex has been good, but he has had a problem 'getting it up' sometimes and the stress in our lives from a variety of factors ain't helping.

"I am in my 30s, my sexual peak, and want and enjoy sex now more than ever. We have spoken about this before and he doesn't seem to think it is an issue. I don't know what else to do without seeming like a sex-crazed girlfriend - I am out of ideas... please help!

"Signed, G-Gal."

It seems she's not alone. Lately I've noticed a plethora of similar comments from people of all ages and sexes complaining about mismatched libidos. Some say their partners are too demanding, others say their partners aren't giving enough, and most are confused as to how many times is normal anyway ...

I can understand G-Girl's frustration. A friend of mine is in a similar sexless position, and finds it extremely tough and embarrassing to confront her boyfriend with the situation.

"What if he's just not that into me?" she continually asks. "What if we're not meant to be together? Surely if our libidos are this mismatched, then we're not right for each other?"

Well, no. According to research, 90 per cent of couples experience mismatched libidos at some point in their relationship, while 60 per cent of women are dissatisfied with their sex lives because the fact is they're unable to have an orgasm!

I can see why neither women wants to talk about it either. Lately it does seem that if one wants more sex than one's partner's willing to put out, then one could be suffering from severe sex addiction.

That's right folks. If Sienna Miller's crude observations are anything to go by, the fact that she noted she was constantly "too tired" at night to please Jude Law didn't matter. Because he asked for it, she told the entire world that he had a troublesome sex addiction.

(Of course we're not exactly sure if Simone Warne was lying when she declared the same about her ex-husband, but neither blokes have had their addictions proven psychologically. Yet.)

The rise of the DINS

Experts reckon that if we don't make the effort to improve things between the sheets, we're in danger of becoming bona fide DINS: Double income, no sex couples.

"In this day of fatigued jugglers, dual-income and hard-working couples, stress is one of the biggest libido killers," warns sexologist Gabrielle Morrissey. "And the distress call for 'more sex, please' or 'more excitement and passion, please' can often be met with a sigh or a groan (and not the sexy kind, either)."

As the popular saying goes: abstinence makes a heart wander. Yet, rather than allowing mismatched libidos to push a partner to stray, it seems there's something that can be done to ease the situation.

Introducing Spicy Sex, which, says author Gabrielle Morrissey, is "moaning, panting, screamingly great" action in the bedroom. (Remember the last time you experienced that?)

But it doesn't have to be all leather chaps, whips and wax either. Gabrielle says that "simply trying one new thing can bring about a world of difference to your intimacy, and inject your libido with a higher energy."

Want more fuel to enhance your libido? How about purchasing a high-end luxury toy? After all, Parisian femme fatales are touting them as the new must-have accessory.

While the chic Passage du Desir (Route of Desire) store is selling out of the luxury toys at a rapid rate, we now have our very own Aussie-based luxury toy maker Black Label, which is getting local women's knickers in a tizzy.

After talking to a few girlfriends about their sex toys, label creator Bliss found she was amazed at how many people already had them.

"I move in reasonable social circles and every one of my friends has at least one toy in her drawer," she says. "And thinking that while most of them did the job, they all looked kind of tacky. So I decided to create a more luxury, up-market brand."

While one of the most popular toys in a mini-vibrator, Bliss acknowledges that toys might not be for everyone.

"I don't think sex toys have to be a vital part of a relationship," she muses. "Some people get along just fine without them, but they sure come in handy."

So Far Down The Road

"I saw this young couple in a cafe the other day and she was really mean to him & you know he was nice & he tried and I thought, you weren't like that once, you adored him and now, now you just fucking hate him and he's numb to it, he doesn't even know whats happened. I just don't want to be so far down the road that I just don't know the way out."

Frankie - Love My Way Season 3

D Day - Day #1

Ok so the first day.....we got up at 6.30am this morning, after lying in bed for 15 minutes contemplating whether or not TO get up! Neither of us slept particularly well last night, so it was VERY tempting, NOT to get up and instead to stay in bed where it was lovely and warm!

BUT, I'm proud to say that we did indeed get up. So up and dressed, we got in the car drove down to the beach, yes I know we drove somewhere so we could go for a walk but I enjoy my walks and tend to throw myself into them more if I'm actually 'enjoying' where I'm walking, appreciating the views and the surrounds and I always do whenever I'm near the beach. It's only a 5 minute drive anyways.

It was very chilly, not cold, just chilly and very very very windy, with lovely dark threatening clouds. The sea was rough and there weren't even any birds around - see they had the sense to stay in bed lol!

We walked for 2kms and it only took us half an hour, at a nice steady pace, walking on sand at that, just for that little extra bit of resistance - hence why my thighs are screaming at me this afternoon!

Tomorrow, we are going to aim for 3km and walk a bit faster. Start off slow and build up I say, plus hubby is also giving up smoking, so combine:

• Giving up smoking
• Giving up ALL forms of junk food and drink
• With a new exercise program

and you have a serious case for getting extremely narky and moody! But we are already feeling the good affects of starting our day off with some much needed exercise, by the time we arrived home this morning, I felt like I could take on the world, slowly but I could take it on! lol

D Day

Dum da dum....and so tomorrow is it! D Day, the start of the 'new' lifestyle. NO more of any of the following:

*chocolate (can you hear me wailing already just at the thought?)
*crisps/potato chips (they are called different things in different countries)
*cooked chip/french fries
*lollies and/or sweets of ANY variety
*icecream
*fizzy soft drinks eg Coke......(and so the sobbing begins again!)

The exercise will also begin tomorrow morning, a nice hour long frantically paced 'stroll' along our local beach at 7am! Should be lovely, bit chilly and my thighs will be cursin me aftawards but them's the breaks!

I will NOT be posting how much I weigh, but I will be posting weekly updates as to how much I have lost each week (see how hopeful I am that this diet will last longer than a week lol), so you will have some idea of progress.

I am determined to do this, the thin person within me has lived too long in this fat body and it's time she emerged, fightin fit and ready to take on tha world!

There is not more wonderful feeling than catching the start of the day, knowing you are there to witness the day start, the sun rise for it's long hold in the sky, the birds waking, you feel so alive while most of the rest of the world are still asleep around you.



A deserted beach, the promise of a new day, time to reflect on what lies ahead for you, what new promise this day can bring you. There is no greater feeling than having a beach to yourself, enjoying the quietness that surrounds you, engulfs you, time for your mind to think clearly, stretch it's legs, contemplate.

More pics from my new Digi Camera

Our Oscar, Achilles, sulking after a water change, he was 'headstanding' for about 10 minutes in the one position without moving!

A Kangaroo Paw in full flower

Digi Camera

So I went and bought a new digi camera last week and have been trying it out. I am going to be studying and learning as much as I can about photography, it's something I really really enjoy doing, I love how you can see something that someone else might think is rubbish and yet turn it into something spectacular.

Here are some examples....still learning all about the camera though and all it can do...








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Feeling Alone and Heading for Paradise

We are moving in 5 months time. We are moving to the other side of the country, where we know no one, not a single soul. We have no family over there, no friends, no jobs to go to, in fact the only thing we know for certain is that when we get over there, we will have a roof over our heads, because we already have a house over there.

Life is too short we have come to the conclusion of, too short to live somewhere, where you aren't happy, where it doesn't "fit" you. We have found a place that "fits" us in our new home, it's so us, we felt it as soon as we first caught a glimpse of it. It immediately felt like home. And that is a feeling we haven't felt for such a long time.

The problem with all this is simply this: I desperately want to move, I can't wait to move but at the end of the day its STILL a daunting thing to do. I am moving my entire life to a foreign place, a place I know I like to stay for 10 days but will I like it there forever? I say yes, I will but it's still scary. The other problem this raises is that I find I have no one to talk to about it, my friends and family here, don't want me to go and so are reluctant to talk about the move when in fact it's all I want to do, I want to discuss it til the cows come home but have no one to discuss it with (other than my gorgeous hubby of course!!). I of course don't know anyone where I am moving to so it's not like I can even discuss it with anyone over there!

I've never been so excited about anything in my life and yet here I am....with no one to share it with...and feeling very much alone....just doesn't seem fair....

"This day is a special day,
It is yours.
Yesterday slipped away
It cannot be filled with more meaning.
About tomorrow nothing is known.
But this day, today, is yours,
Make use of it.
Today you can make someone happy.
Today you can help another.
This day is a special day,
It is yours."

"Nothing exists the way it appears, it is all up to our Karma."

"Just as rust eats away the iron from which it is produced, so do their own deeds lead the overindulgent into a miserable state."

"Speak the truth, do not become angered, and give when asked, even be it a little. By these three conditions one goes to the presence of the gods."

"Overcome anger by non-anger; overcome evil by good; overcome the miser by giving; overcome the liar by truth."

"Do not say anything harsh; what you have said will be said back to you. Angry talk is painful; retaliation will get you."

"Do not think a small virtue
Will not return in your future lives.
Just as falling drops of water
Will fill a large container,
The little virtues
The steadfast accumulate
Will completely overwhelm them."

"Even if you donated three hundred pots Of cooked food three times a day, It could not compare to even a fraction Of the merit from just a moment's love."

Good Excuse - John Butler Trio

All around I see raining
Things don't seem to go my way
Got a dark cloud that's hanging
And it seems to follow me
Oh boy won't you just wake up
feel the humming
This good world is giving you
better start running
to catch up with your life, catch on up
Before the whole thing is through

Have you once? Have you twice?
Have you even conceived how
Really good boy you do got it
Go take another better look around
You are just another white boy
Thinking you're so hard
Go take step outside
see what's shaking in the real world
Go take a step outside
see what's shaking in the real world
Go take a step outside
see what's shaking in the real world

But you don't know how my heart laments
I really got a good excuse to complain
My parents got divorced Can't heal the pain
And now there is only cheap regrets
I guess thats just the way it be
Is it the world or how I see me
Boy now you are really, really bugging
Yes you are bugging me, can you just shut right up
Your cup is overflowing, overflowing
And you think it is empty
You don't even know what side you are fighting for
Boy won't you turn your game boy off
Stop pretending it's you against the world
I am sick and I am tried of hearing you always say
I really got a good excuse to complain
My parents got divorced Can't heal the pain
Go take a step outside
see what's shaking in the real world

And so it kicks offfffffffffffffffffffffff......

And so it kicks off for another season....I am of course talking about the English Premier League!!!!!

Tonights game our boys, THE MIGHTY MANCHESTER CITY play the lowly West Ham.

Carn the blues!!

Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue Mooooooooooooooooon, you saw me standing alone, without a dream in my heart, without a love of my own!
Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue Mooooooooooooooooon, you saw me standing alone, without a dream in my heart, without a love of my own!

Who Reads Blogs??

So who does read blogs? I've often wondered once I've finished tapping away on my laptop who actually is going to take time out of their day and read my ramblings? Click onto a link or look up past history, let the world wide web take them to my blog page and let their eyes drift over my carefully typed words and read my thoughts and feelings, laugh at my jokes and relate to what I'm saying? The simple answer is that I have no idea BUT I would really LOVE to know who reads my blog......so if you do....PLEASE please PLEASE (I refuse to beg anymore lol) leave me a comment, to let me know who you are and what you think of my sometimes absurd ramblings!

When we grow up, we usually have a collection of friends we have collected along the pathway of life. We normally have a few friends that have been in our life since childhood, other's we have met along the way, either at uni or jobs, or on our travels. Sometimes though we can find ourselves drifting away from friends, their lives change, our lives change and you find that you just don't have the same interests anymore...it's a sad fact of life but it happens to the best of us.

I have no children, I am desperate for them and yet I have none. ALL my friends have children, ALL of them, I do not have one single friend who is childless. I found myself asking myself why this week. Why do all my friends have the one thing I do not and yet crave so much? Why have I not gone out and made new friends, friends who are in similar circumstances as me. The reason is, because my current friends were in the same situation as me but then they changed that situation, they started making babies. I visit these friends, go out with them, field their questions as to when I'm going to be having children and always come home from seeing them, feeling completely and utterly inadequate....like I'm not part of the group, like I'm on the outer, like I'm not as worthy as them because I haven't created life, haven't carried life, haven't brought life into this world. I feel like I'm standing outside the house looking in through the window, wishing, PRAYING that I could be part of the life the people INSIDE the house have. I feel my opinion is not valued because I don't have children, I offer advice and I feel like they are thinking, "What would you know? You don't have children, you don't know what it's like."

All your life, you are told to take precautions to make sure you DON'T make babies, no one ever lets the thought enter their mind, that they may not actually be able to make babies.

Sometimes I think god is such an arsehole, but of course, this is a thought I keep to myself, I'd hate to piss the big guy upstairs off even more.

"Carries Quandaries"

"Since birth, modern women have been told we can do and be anything we want. Be an astronaut, the head of an Internet company, a stay-at-home mom. There aren't any rules anymore, and the choices are endless. And apparently they can all be delivered right to your door. But is it possible that we've gotten so spoiled by choices that we've become unable to make one?"

"'Soul Mate'. Two little words. One big concept. A belief that someone, somewhere is holding the key to your heart and your dream house. All you have to do is find them. So where is this person? And if you love someone and it didn't work out, does that mean they weren't your soul mate?"

"What if Prince Charming had never showed up? Would Snow White have slept in that glass coffin forever? Or would she have eventually woken up, spit out the apply, gotten a job, a health-care package and a baby from her local neighbourhood sperm bank? I couldn't help but wonder: inside every confident, driven single woman, is there a delicate, fragile princess just waiting to be saved?"

"In a city of infinite options, sometimes there's no better feeling than knowing you only have one."

"Maybe you can't change a man, but once in a blue moon, you can change a woman."

First Class VS Economy Class Air Travel

"Trouble is, the people in first class never get to see any of this because they are separated by a curtain. For all they know, the whole notion of seating classes could be a con; there might be an open fireplace and conveyor-belt sushi bar at the back of the plane. Surely this is missing the point. Whip back the curtain. Treat the first-class fat cats to a guided tour of the poky sardine conditions. Only then can they appreciate their fortune.

Mind you, since comfort is relative, the airlines could raise the spirits of the economy section by introducing a new sub-economy class, in which society's most impoverished passengers travel free, provided they stand atop rickety stools with a noose round their necks for the duration of the flight. Suddenly your cramped economy seat will feel like a gilded throne in comparison. For about 10 minutes. Until the veins in your leg explode.

If they must take the rich-poor divide to the skyways, they could at least be creative about it. Here is the ultimate in first-class entertainment: an interactive screen displaying a floorplan of the economy section. Tap any seat and up pops a live shot of its luckless proletarian inhabitant. Now, using a videogame-style joypad, you control his environment. You can halt his in-flight movie 40 minutes in, turn the sound so low he has to struggle to hear it, or play it at half-normal speed, so Die Hard 4.0 seems to be taking place underwater.

You can slowly slide his seat forward, gradually reducing his legroom for chuckles. Blow cold air in his face. Shine lights in his eyes. Remorselessly goad him with a stick. Hidden beneath his seat is a turbulence simulator: activate this if he reaches for orange juice. Seated beside him is an animatronic baby that will scream, dribble or belch half-digested rusk down the side of his face whenever you see fit.

Of course, the inequality of air travel is a caricature of what happens on the ground: space and resources for all, doled out disproportionately. Yet no matter what relative comforts we are gifted, we are all screwed if the wings fall off."

Source - Charlie Brooker The Guardian

Cute but Psycho

I'm not insane, everyone else is just a little too straitlaced for my liking!!

The Real Me Post Numero Uno

Ok this is going to be a very honest post....it's time I started owning up to things, admitting that all is not right in my world. Too often lately have I found myself out with a friend or in a group just talking and feel myself stepping back, feeling like I don't fit, like I don't deserve to be part of what is happening - this I solely put down to my weight, body image, body confidence or lack of it and self esteem issues.

So it's time to do something about it!! It's time to find the "Real Me" again!

First step, talking about how and what I'm feeling, putting it out there, means others will read it and I will have to admit to what I'm feeling and experiencing, rather than sweeping it under the carpet along with all my other emotional garbage thats already there! lol

Ok so the other day, I went out with a mate. She has a daughter and we went to the shops. Now this mate is similar to me in size, maybe a bit smaller big difference is, she is brimming with that little thing called body confidence and self esteem, she has always been this way and its always been something I've envied. She has the child I crave, the close knit family I desire and the dependable friends that I definitely don't have. Whenever I come away from outings with her, I suffer a case of "life envy"...but the funny thing is and this is where it gets confusing, there are more parts of her life that I DON'T envy than I do. I think I finally worked out the other day, that if I just had her body confidence and self confidence, the rest I could do myself.

Now to give you an idea of why I'm on the hunt to find the "Real Me", I shall give you a scenario and give you what the "Current Me" would do in that situation and what the "Real Me" would do.

The Scenario:
At a mates party, with her family and friends.

The Current Me:
I will arrive first, so I don't have to make an "entrance", I will find people I know and blend into their conversation or I will just stick with my mate, her being the hostess and help her out. I will avoid anyone who makes me feel uncomfortable eg her sister in law to be in this instance, I will feel self conscious as if everyone is looking at me and passing judgement. I won't eat much, afraid people will be looking and thinking "as if she needs to eat more" and I will 9 times out of 10 leave either first or within the first 5 to go.

The Real Me:
I will arrive first to make sure I don't miss any fun. I will drift from group to group catching up with people and having a laugh in general, doing stupid things to make others laugh. I will not give a flying Fvck about what others think of me and be more interested in having a good time. I will usually be one of the last to leave or crash the night there.

Spot the difference?

And so my friends, the quest starts here....I believe the real me is out there and will be found again...the next step is the weight and to lose it, to become that stunner again that turns heads in the street!

So the journey begins.....