When we grow up, we usually have a collection of friends we have collected along the pathway of life. We normally have a few friends that have been in our life since childhood, other's we have met along the way, either at uni or jobs, or on our travels. Sometimes though we can find ourselves drifting away from friends, their lives change, our lives change and you find that you just don't have the same interests anymore...it's a sad fact of life but it happens to the best of us.

I have no children, I am desperate for them and yet I have none. ALL my friends have children, ALL of them, I do not have one single friend who is childless. I found myself asking myself why this week. Why do all my friends have the one thing I do not and yet crave so much? Why have I not gone out and made new friends, friends who are in similar circumstances as me. The reason is, because my current friends were in the same situation as me but then they changed that situation, they started making babies. I visit these friends, go out with them, field their questions as to when I'm going to be having children and always come home from seeing them, feeling completely and utterly inadequate....like I'm not part of the group, like I'm on the outer, like I'm not as worthy as them because I haven't created life, haven't carried life, haven't brought life into this world. I feel like I'm standing outside the house looking in through the window, wishing, PRAYING that I could be part of the life the people INSIDE the house have. I feel my opinion is not valued because I don't have children, I offer advice and I feel like they are thinking, "What would you know? You don't have children, you don't know what it's like."

All your life, you are told to take precautions to make sure you DON'T make babies, no one ever lets the thought enter their mind, that they may not actually be able to make babies.

Sometimes I think god is such an arsehole, but of course, this is a thought I keep to myself, I'd hate to piss the big guy upstairs off even more.