Why do people feel the need to get married? What does standing in front of each other, in front of family, friends and other assorted loved ones actually accomplish? Do we actually love each other more after taking those vows? We were more likely to stray, be unhappy at some point or breakup before those sacred vows were spoken to each other? Doesn't marriage actually put more of a strain on our relationships? Don't we feel more of a need to live up to people's expectations once there is actually a commitment that has taken place? People expect us to give marriage a chance, a real chance, if you have problems you work through them, you work extra hard to make 'it' work, which can put more of a strain on the relationship. Before you got married, if you were having problems and it got too much walking away would be alot easier. No marriage is a bed of roses and nor should it be, you have to work at relationships, it is very much a two way street and there has to be give and take on both sides. The only thing that matters is that you're falling asleep in the arms of the one that fills your world with joy, makes you laugh every day, would do anything for you and that you would be utterly totally and completely lost without. At the end of the day, marriage is, in reality, just a piece of paper, signed by both parties, a contract. Yes it is a commitment, but I don't believe that you need to stand up in front of a bunch of people to achieve that commitment. The commitment after all, is between yourself and your beloved....no one else.

Just Being

Have you ever really looked into yourself? I mean truly into who you are? Have you ever felt lost, like you didn't know who you were anymore? I lost the true me a long time ago and I've been fighting to get her back for awhile now. I just feel like this *FAT* being that is just existing at the moment, no feelings, no desire, nothing.....

.....hopefully it will pass......

Mens Frustration's With Us Women Folk

Men's Complaints about Women

1. Women complain, criticize and nag too much.

2. They try to control and suppress men.

3. They are seldom happy.

4. They tend to withhold sex as a punishment or blackmail.

5. They do not think logically, but emotionally.

6. Their emotions are not predictable but change quickly especially due to hormones, during menstruation, pregnancy or menopause.

7. They tend to gossip.

8. They, too, create extramarital relationships.

9. They are not home enough (which for some men means - continuously)

10. They are not taking enough care of the home.

What Women Can Do to Help Their Relationship Partner's Feel Happier

Women can learn to:

1. Express their needs directly without complaining or nagging.

2. Trust their partner and allow him to function freely.

3. Focus on how grateful they are to have what they have.

4. Analyze situations from an even more logical point of view, especially when they suspect hormones are affecting them. (Or avoid reacting at those times.)

5. Avoid gossiping.

6. Be monogamous.

7. Find a balance between taking care of the home and asking the others for help.

8. Feel equal - neither superior nor inferior to men.

9. Understand that men have difficulty with communicating feelings and not take this personally.

10. Realize that their partner loves them even when he cannot be affectionate or tender.

11. Guide the man with their preferences in their sexual contact.

12. Radiate feelings of equality and self-confidence without competitiveness.

We need to transcend our differences and creating loving relationships.

D Day - Day #7

Ok so here we are.....on day #7 of Project D Day. We walked Tue/Wed/Thur of last week. We didn't walk Friday but that's cause it was our only day off together and we just relaxed. We did however walk Saturday and Sunday and then again this morning.

On Thursday of last week, we were blessed with a very calm sea at the beach we walk at. It is kind of in a bay, so when it's calm its very calm, almost like glass. So here we are walking along the beach when out of the corner of my eye I spot something - a fin. I turn to the other half and say "I just saw something out there." He turns and looks, can't see anything and concludes that I must have been seeing things. The I see it again...this time alot clearer...a dolphin, and not one but 4 of them! They were probably about 10 metres offshore, in the shallows and definitely playing. We watched them the whole walk up the beach and back and at one point witnessed them swimming in a circle, obviously herding fish together for breaky!

Saturday our walk was dolphin free, it was windy and the sea was very choppy, so rather than enjoy our walk viewing dolphin antics, we instead had to concentrate staying on our feet for fear of being blown over!

Sunday we were blessed with our dolphin friends again. They didn't make themselves known from the start but about 5 minutes into our walk, there they were, further out this time but after about 5 minutes they came closer to shore, between 7 - 9 metres away from us. They were in another playful mood. On our walk back, we were watching out for them again and yep there they were, frolicking in the shallows. As we were watching them, for the briefest of moments something distracted my attention and wouldn't you know it.....one of them leaped clear out of the water and jumped over a buoy, hubby said the dolphins body was completely out of the water and I missed it!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning, no dolphin shenanigans but something else did happen, something that at the time hurt like hell but no doubt I will look back on and remember fondly. So we hit the beach this morning and walk to the water line where we always walk. We are just walking along and we come across what looks to be the remnants of weekend sand castle making but it was oddly shaped, it was in the shape of a "block" and had what looked like large steps going up to the top of it about 3 or 4. Anyways we were looking at this as we were walking past it and remarking on weird it looked and the next thing I know, my foot has literally fallen into a hole, the sand beneath my foot has given way and I am now knee deep and lobsided on the sand, my right foot covered in sand and water, along with the bottom half of my pants. It looks like it was a little pocket hole that for some reason when the tide had come in, it hadn't completely filled with sand like would normally happen, instead it had decided to ambush me this morning!!! The worst of it all, was that rather than getting up out of this hole straight away, I just kind of stayed there and raised my hands to my hubby with a pitiful look on my face like a kid! Lol

Now I already have a rooted (read stuffed for all those none Aussies out there) back at the moment and this just made it worse but as I fell because it was obviously a shock to be falling through sand I also landed weirdly on my knee and jarred it. My knee is now fine, my back is hurting just as bad as it has been recently and my other half is still chuckling about the whole thing and I will no doubt be hearing about this for some time to come.

Ask Sam from SMH

It was Zsa Zsa Gabor who once said: "A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished." And it seems that many modern men are echoing her sentiment.

"Why marry?" they protest. After all, these days they can get all the benefits of being hitched (joint bank accounts, home grants, insurance, sex and kids) without actually tying the knot.

But it's not only the gents who are forgoing marriage in favour of all the benefits without the commitment. The other day, while sipping my coffee, I overheard a conversation that had me a little mystified. A woman (in her mid-20s) was telling a friend that, although she loved her boyfriend, she had no intention of ever getting married.

"I don't ever want to be tied down like that," she said. "Plus I've seen first-hand what a bad marriage can do to someone through my parents, and I definitely don't want my life to end up that way."

"And what if he proposed?" the friend asked incredulously, to which she responded, "I don't know. I just don't think he will."

These days, with the institution of marriage on the rocks and the words "till death do us part" being more flimsy than Paris Hilton's bathing suit, it comes as no surprise that the latest numbers show an increase in the no-marriage trend ...

According to recent figures from the Australian Bureau of Statistics, 31 per cent of men and 26 per cent of women will never marry, while The New York Times reported that a whopping 51 per cent of women are now living without a spouse, compared to 35 per cent in 1950.

Demographer William H. Frey said: "For better or worse, women are less dependent on men or the institution of marriage."

"Amen to that!" concur the single, independent femmes who buy their own diamonds, pay their own bills and don't need a ring or a man to make them happy. Why suffer? Instead, modern women would rather be single than suffer in an unhappy marriage, despite the fact that society (and pushy mothers) still expect a ring on the finger by the time they reach a certain age.

Yet the sobering expectation that one-third of marriages could end in divorce now, compared with 28 per cent in the mid-'80s, shows there's plenty of reasons to shy away from signing that marriage certificate.

Recently divorced reader Peter (who was left with nothing and had to move back in with his folks), reckons that, while the institution of marriage is not yet dead, the need for it is.

He writes: "With equal wages for the women, and automated easy care homes for the men, neither gender NEEDS to get married as they did 50 years ago ... Some women still talk about getting married but men generally talk about getting laid. And, surprise, surprise, many modern women talk about casual affairs these days too."

Stephanie Coontz, author of Marriage, A History, concurs, yet says that the marriage backlash started back in the '60s with the invention of the Pill, domestic devices and more women going to work. The bachelors found they no longer needed a wife for domestic purposes, women found they could have sex without attachment and marriage no longer defined adult life.

Yet over on the other side of the sexual fence, it seems the battle to legalise same-sex marriage continues.

Evan Wolfson, gay rights activist and author of Why Marriage Matters, argues this: "Gay people have the same mix of reasons for wanting the freedom to marry and needing the protections and responsibilities of marriage as non-gay people do." And therefore governments should not prevent such unions.

It seems odd to me that, while some are so passionately fighting for it, others are fighting against it. But perhaps Hollywood hunk Brad Pitt had it right when he said: "Angie [Angelina Jolie] and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able."

Perhaps since he's already been married once, Pitt has taken on board the wise words of Oscar Wilde who said: "Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience."

Ask Sam from SMH

This week's video is in response to reader G-Gal's question:

"Dear Ask Sam,

"I have been going out with my bf for almost a year, we are a lovely affectionate couple and are constantly cuddling, kissing, playing etc..

"The problem is our sex life has kind of dwindled in the last 6 months through a combination of travel, illness, stress. We spend 24/7 together and though we have not officially moved in together, we are together all the time.

"The sex has been good, but he has had a problem 'getting it up' sometimes and the stress in our lives from a variety of factors ain't helping.

"I am in my 30s, my sexual peak, and want and enjoy sex now more than ever. We have spoken about this before and he doesn't seem to think it is an issue. I don't know what else to do without seeming like a sex-crazed girlfriend - I am out of ideas... please help!

"Signed, G-Gal."

It seems she's not alone. Lately I've noticed a plethora of similar comments from people of all ages and sexes complaining about mismatched libidos. Some say their partners are too demanding, others say their partners aren't giving enough, and most are confused as to how many times is normal anyway ...

I can understand G-Girl's frustration. A friend of mine is in a similar sexless position, and finds it extremely tough and embarrassing to confront her boyfriend with the situation.

"What if he's just not that into me?" she continually asks. "What if we're not meant to be together? Surely if our libidos are this mismatched, then we're not right for each other?"

Well, no. According to research, 90 per cent of couples experience mismatched libidos at some point in their relationship, while 60 per cent of women are dissatisfied with their sex lives because the fact is they're unable to have an orgasm!

I can see why neither women wants to talk about it either. Lately it does seem that if one wants more sex than one's partner's willing to put out, then one could be suffering from severe sex addiction.

That's right folks. If Sienna Miller's crude observations are anything to go by, the fact that she noted she was constantly "too tired" at night to please Jude Law didn't matter. Because he asked for it, she told the entire world that he had a troublesome sex addiction.

(Of course we're not exactly sure if Simone Warne was lying when she declared the same about her ex-husband, but neither blokes have had their addictions proven psychologically. Yet.)

The rise of the DINS

Experts reckon that if we don't make the effort to improve things between the sheets, we're in danger of becoming bona fide DINS: Double income, no sex couples.

"In this day of fatigued jugglers, dual-income and hard-working couples, stress is one of the biggest libido killers," warns sexologist Gabrielle Morrissey. "And the distress call for 'more sex, please' or 'more excitement and passion, please' can often be met with a sigh or a groan (and not the sexy kind, either)."

As the popular saying goes: abstinence makes a heart wander. Yet, rather than allowing mismatched libidos to push a partner to stray, it seems there's something that can be done to ease the situation.

Introducing Spicy Sex, which, says author Gabrielle Morrissey, is "moaning, panting, screamingly great" action in the bedroom. (Remember the last time you experienced that?)

But it doesn't have to be all leather chaps, whips and wax either. Gabrielle says that "simply trying one new thing can bring about a world of difference to your intimacy, and inject your libido with a higher energy."

Want more fuel to enhance your libido? How about purchasing a high-end luxury toy? After all, Parisian femme fatales are touting them as the new must-have accessory.

While the chic Passage du Desir (Route of Desire) store is selling out of the luxury toys at a rapid rate, we now have our very own Aussie-based luxury toy maker Black Label, which is getting local women's knickers in a tizzy.

After talking to a few girlfriends about their sex toys, label creator Bliss found she was amazed at how many people already had them.

"I move in reasonable social circles and every one of my friends has at least one toy in her drawer," she says. "And thinking that while most of them did the job, they all looked kind of tacky. So I decided to create a more luxury, up-market brand."

While one of the most popular toys in a mini-vibrator, Bliss acknowledges that toys might not be for everyone.

"I don't think sex toys have to be a vital part of a relationship," she muses. "Some people get along just fine without them, but they sure come in handy."

So Far Down The Road

"I saw this young couple in a cafe the other day and she was really mean to him & you know he was nice & he tried and I thought, you weren't like that once, you adored him and now, now you just fucking hate him and he's numb to it, he doesn't even know whats happened. I just don't want to be so far down the road that I just don't know the way out."

Frankie - Love My Way Season 3